i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
