He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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