Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
