You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
