sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
