Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
