im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
