He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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