A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
