The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
