I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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