She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
