Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
