Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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