He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
