Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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