i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
