Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
