i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just crazy horny about you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I did not marry a roomba.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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