I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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