Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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