I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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