What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
