He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The uberlube is also flammable
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize