your thong is hanging out like whoa
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
