i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
