Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
