If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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