come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
