it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
