I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
