I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want nice things and good sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
