You're my little dorito
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
