Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
