allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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