I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
