You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am spending my child support on dildos
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
