Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
