real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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