She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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