Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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