i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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