Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize