Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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