Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
