I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize