I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
