Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
