wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i've created a new STD.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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