our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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