Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
