Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
