Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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