Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
