Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
