what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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