Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
