Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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