ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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