Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
