I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
