have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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