she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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