Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
