I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
