so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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