Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
