you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
