i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize