the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
