I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
