Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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